Our society in a large percentage still patriarchal, though lots of changes has taken place with the progress of era but lots of vital changes are needed still now.
Today I am gonna focus on the “other side” of patriarchal society…as “there are two sides of a coin” and in this concern we are much focused on the issues where the men are ruling the society depriving the girls because this is very prominent but there are other sides also which explains how we have made(are making) ourselves fool, how so many people has lived in a false notion and how the lives of the boys being affected for the so called “patriarchal society”…what I am gonna share is the IRONICAL side of Patriarchal society.
So let me discuss everything through Newton’s Laws which I have found more logical to describe and suits with the thoughts I am gonna share here.
Let me inform you…this post contains very sensitive issues, so please read it as it is and try to follow the logics and don’t ignore the truths.
Newton’s first Law of motion
“Until any external force is applied the object at rest will stay at rest and the object at motion will continue to move with same velocity and in the same direction.”
The society was moving in the same direction for long and long years, the direction where…girls did not have any freedom to choose their carrier, to decide with whom they will get married. A long period of time was there when the girls have been deprived from those which they deserved, they have spent almost a “caged” life in different cages…first as a daughter, then as a wife and later being a mother, they had to fulfill the desires and had to obey the orders of their so called “closed ones”.
Newton’s second law
But as it is said…’only one thing is constant, that is ‘change’”, so with the advancement of time the condition of girls has changed a lot…the girls have fought for it, they have fought to prove themselves, they have shown the world that they are also capable to perform excellent jobs, they have proved themselves in different fields and has created history, became ideals for others, they have gained respect through their works and leading a life being self-dependent.
I have found the similarity of Newton’s second law with all these but there is an ironical side of all these changes, as I have already said…there are two sides of a coin.
So what Newton’s second law says is
“The change of momentum is proportional with the applied force and takes place in the direction the force has been applied.”
Momentum = Mass X velocity.
Here I found the similarity of momentum as
Momentum = Girls Lives X Girls Desires.
Force = the fighting spirit of girls being irritated after tolerating the caged life for long years.
I really appreciate how the girls are proving themselves in different jobs and gained a strong position in the society. Let me discuss about the other side of the coin which is the most ironical part of patriarchal society.
The ironical part of so called patriarchal society is…
From the time boys started to find a “well educated girl” to get married from then some girls continued to study more to be selected by a good groom, lots of examples are there…look around you.
The boys with graduation degree wants the girls of same degree or 12th passed not the master degree holder girls.
On the other hand boys with master degree want girls with graduation degree or master degree not the higher degree holders for the marriage purpose.
"How will i introduce her in the society ?? ...my wife is just tenth passed"...sometime these can be heard from so called master degree holder "would be husbands."
There was time the elders used to tell their girls
…”tu itni khubsurat hai,tujhe koi achha ladka mil hi jayega”.
(You are so beautiful so you will surely get a good husband)
“ghar ke kaam kaaj sikhle toh achha ladka milega”
(If you are expert in household works then a good boy will agree to marry you)
Now it is said
“achhi se padHayi karegi toh achha ladka milega”
(The higher degrees you have the more the probability that a boy with higher degree than you who has good salary will select you)
The irony takes place when the marriage is “arranged one”.
The boys are unable to realize that the girls has gained the higher degree just to get a good groom with more higher degree(with good salary) than her.
What it is said to the boys?
…”tere liye koi achhi ladki dhunda padHega to itna handsome hai toh ladKi bhi achhi honi chahiye”.
(We have to find a beautiful girl for you because you are so handsome)
Now it is said
…”tu itna padHa likha hai toh ladki bhi padHi likhi honi chahiye”
(We have to find a well educated girl for you because you have so many degrees and qualifications)
So look at the differences…when about girls it is said “milega”(will get) and when about boys it is said “dhunda padHega”(have to find, you deserve it).
So, the choice is always in the hand of boys.
The ironical part is
…the boys who want “an educated girl”(suitable with his degree) to get married and finally find her out from lots of choices and get married then…he is unaware of the fact that…it’s the effect of so called thought “we want educated girls to get married” imposed by the patriarchal society.
So at the end the boy gets married with such a girl who…has gained higher degrees to get a good groom…because it’s the demand of the boys…can we call it a marriage? Is not it… the game of cleverness?
Now a day…grooms are finding girls who are doing jobs and a new turn has come in arranged marriage…what actually they want!!!! A good girl or a good amount of monthly income of the girl!!!!
Personally I feel…if I don’t have the ability to run a family then I will never get married.
How all these thoughts has generated in my mind?
Just three days ago when I was listening the conversation of two girls, one of them is a student of class nine and she said
….you know, Aparna Di took admission in college in honors category just to get a good groom.
The listener exclaimed
…what are you saying? How can you say this?
Then the student replied very casually
…it’s not me who says this rather everyone in our colony knows it full well and they discuss about it, I have listened to them, why are you being so surprised? If she really had interest then she would surely go for higher studies and most importantly…why did she get married without completing her course? she could complete the graduation and then could try for jobs, her financial condition is good, she is physically fit rather her parents are physically fine, does not all these prove that she was waiting to be selected by a good groom?
The listener asked
…So what you will do?
…I don’t study to get a good groom, I will do job, will be self-dependent.
“Time has really changed a lot”…this is what knocked into mind after hearing the conversation.
Let me make you clear it again…here I don’t wanna mean that every girl is being educated for a good groom…some girls are really fighters, have self respect, want to be self dependent and want to exist in the society with their own light of glory of success and fighting spirit.
Newton’s Third Law
“Every action has equal and opposite reaction”
Action (Earlier Days)…Girls did not have the freedom to choose her groom.
Reaction is…the boys never knew whether the girls really loved them or not.
Action (present Days)…Boys want well educated girls.
Reaction is same…still they are unable to be sure whether their wives studied to be really an educated one or just wanted a good and secured life being selected by a well educated boy.
It is said…marriage is the bonding of heart, soul and mind of two human beings.
By imposing so many rules for girls…is it possible to make such a pure bonding? Forced marriages in earlier days (without knowing the girls desires) and now applying so many conditions (degree, jobs) is it really possible to make pure and true bonding!!!!
Earlier days…girls spend their lives being a “baby maker machines”
Now some are spending lives…the desire fulfilling machines for others.
One of my female friends expressed her feelings about all these, here are her thoughts…
“I feel we should make women think about why is one born? Are we just born to play roles? Predefined full of expectations from others?
When will women start to respect themselves?
Why a woman is not free to take decision?
I will never ever say my husband/parents/ in-laws let me do anything... I am an adult and I can take my decisions on what to wear, what to say, what to do, how to earn, etc.”